It may not be fair, but your mom's relationship with her own mother may explain why you've grown up in toxic environment, and have your own problems today. When dealing with a toxic mom, it's important to keep yourself safe and protected from her unhealthy habits. It can help, however, to try to view her in a different light — especially if you want to start to break this cycle, and improve your relationship going forward.
Therapy is always helpful. In therapy, you can both learn how to be mentally healthier now, but it can also prevent you from moving forward with the same habits, should you decide to have your own kids down the road. That way, you can break the pattern that was passed down from your grandma, to your mother, to you.
Here, some ways experts say it's possible to tell that your mom is toxic because her mom was toxic , as well as what to do about it. Everyone's entitled to be in a bad mood occasionally, but if your mom seems to be mean and aggressive by nature, it could be a sign she grew up in a toxic household with a toxic mom who was also mean and aggressive.
And that may explain why she's taken the same stance with you. But that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. If it doesn't help to talk to her and reason with her, it's always OK to have less contact, if that means creating a healthier, more peaceful life for yourself. Take a look at how your grandmother treats your mom. Is she incredibly critical or condescending? If so, you might be getting a glimpse into how she was raised. And, it may explain why your mom treats you the same way.
They are just sitting with the toxic sentiments themselves. I weighed the pros and cons of moving to Georgia, and I said yes. On July 16, , my mom and I packed our lives into two suitcases and headed to the Port Authority. My brother stayed in the Bronx because he only had one more year of high school and could stay with my aunt.
Without any knowledge of where we were going to live, go to school, or where my mom would work, we got on the Greyhound bus and anticipated our future challenges in Atlanta.
Once we arrived, we got on a train to Marietta, Georgia because my mom knew there was a shelter there. I began to worry that we would have to live on the streets. However, my mom was determined to find us somewhere to rest our heads.
She had a list of shelters so she made some calls and found us a spot at an emergency shelter in downtown Atlanta. While I was getting ready for bed, I looked around and saw children running around and playing.
I wondered how they could be having a good time while they lived in a shelter. Three days later, my mom and I were transferred to a temporary shelter that provided a furnished room for us and job training for my mom. She enrolled me in high school. Although we found an apartment, my life felt incomplete. I was lonely. Meanwhile my brother confided in my mom about girls all the time. It makes me jealous to think about those conversations because I want to be able to talk to her about relationships, too, and someday introduce her to my boyfriend.
She was trying to be my protector, but what I really needed was for her to listen to me and give me advice. I guess my mom began to feel less worried about me because we moved back to the Bronx the summer before I started my junior year. In all this time, we never talked about my sexuality and I know the silence is preventing us from having a better relationship. Society is beginning to accept homosexuality, and there are laws that protect individuals from hate crimes.
I feel less alone. She said you had something to tell me. I walked straight to my room. This creates a vicious cycle of reciprocal jabs between each of you without getting either of your needs met in a productive way. Instead, use your anger as a guide to help you learn more about yourself, your boundaries, and what you need from others, and in turn, teach the people around you how you need to be treated. Therapy can be a helpful tool to teach you how to use your anger productively and set boundaries that protect your mental health.
Going through a rough patch with your mother can be emotionally challenging. However, practicing self-care by prioritizing your needs and putting them above the needs of others can help you cope. This can take different forms depending on the dynamics of your relationship with your mother.
If you are a victim of child abuse or know someone who might be, call or text the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at to speak with a professional crisis counselor. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. People may sometimes hate their mothers if they have been mistreated by them or repeatedly let down. This hatred is a strong emotion that can be difficult to cope with.
While it is often expressed impulsively as anger, it can be helpful to set boundaries instead. Struggling with stress? Our guide offers expert advice on how to better manage stress levels. Get it FREE when you sign up for our newsletter. Parenting and child mental health. London J Prim Care Abingdon. The contribution of parenting practices and parent emotion factors in children at risk for disruptive behavior disorders.
Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellMind. Your mom could also be playing the victim, which is another sign of toxicity. Does she avoid conversations about what she does wrong? When you try to tell her how she hurts your feelings, does she lash out or play the victim? If this perfectly describes the dynamic you have with your mom, it may help to put up some boundaries.
Try giving her space the next time she plays the victim and see what happens. And that is not OK. This includes crying or running off into another room. All of these actions create drama that you just don't need. From cutting your hair to making lunch or choosing a partner, a toxic mom will always be looking over your shoulder with judgment in her eyes. While it may be difficult to do, ignoring scathing comments from your mom may be helpful.
Another option is to suggest you attend therapy together. Everyone's entitled to a minor slip-up or two when they're truly upset. The best thing you can do, in these moments, is to take good care of yourself.
If your mom needs help with a personal problem, that's certainly OK. If this sounds familiar, there is something you can do about it. That, and learning how to not take her behavior personally. Even though it can be difficult, a truly toxic situation may mean it's a good idea to go "no contact" with your mom — where you stop reaching, stop visiting, and fully focus on your own life — at least until she learns healthier ways to deal with her emotions.
0コメント