Your behaviors are counterproductive, yet, in the moment, it seems like a good idea and feels so comforting — for you. Your partner experiences something very different. They are likely telling themselves to run, because no matter how much they do, it just isn't enough for you. It never is. Your partner cannot encourage your growth, compliment you or reassure you enough. Do you look to your partner for constant reassurance and validation, and are you looking for others to make you feel good about yourself?
And even if you get it, do you depend on it all the time? Do you feel abandoned if your partner isn't available? Are you afraid your partner won't be there for you when you need them? Do you find it difficult to be alone, and when you are, do you do things to fill the void with other distractions or revisit past conversations, worrying that your partner might leave you?
Is your relationship the center of your universe, and does it take always precedence over your relationship with other friends or family? If you answered yes to all or most of the questions above, the good news is that you can overcome your emotional neediness.
Awareness is the very first step to recognizing and fixing a problem. This is key in any life challenge. As you become more aware of your behaviors, you start the process of gaining greater insight into who you are as a person so you can make necessary, sustainable changes.
Take the time to ask and answer the important questions above. Gaining awareness of your attachment style is step one because this creates the chance for you to create a happier, more fulfilling relationship. A person who is more anxious engages in more protest behaviors, actions that are attempts to reestablish contact with your partner and get their attention. Unfortunately, when you do this, you act in harmful ways. Being able to move through the shades of gray, uncertainty, and unanswered questions is key to making change.
Even if in the moment it feels like a good idea to react a certain way, work on pausing to think through how you would feel if you didn't act in a certain way instead. What are your triggers?
Can you learn to communicate them in a way that will be beneficial for both you and your partner? If you give into your anxieties and impulses every time, you will never know how things could be different. If the impulse or obsessive thought is there and you act on the compulsion, all you are really doing is repeating the same circle and reinforcing the behavior. No matter how close you are to another person, it's unhealthy to spend all of your time with them.
They will feel overwhelmed and start doing things to back themselves out of the relationship. If it's difficult for you to tolerate alone time, you will inevitably sabotage your relationship. You can tell them that you are busy right now but plan on catching up soon! If they continue being clingy after this statement, then reconsider whether having this friendship is worth all the hassle, and pull back a little until things normalize again.
The inability to communicate their needs may manifest through manipulating you into doing things for them or being overly clingy. This person may reach out for advice on what outfits to wear, what they should respond to a text, or what they should name their cat. This may be a way for them to reach out for attention from someone else. They make it difficult for you to have a conversation with anyone else because they want all of your attention; they may interrupt your conversations with others or dominate them by talking about themselves excessively.
They may even start arguments to get the spotlight back on them. In some worst-case scenarios, they may even make themselves sick so others have to take care of them. After all, you want them to feel better, right?
It becomes impossible to know where the boundaries are between what should fall on your shoulders and what should fall on theirs. This inevitably leads to resentment on both sides. For example, an alcoholic may remain in denial that they have a problem for a long time before they truly start to take responsibility for their addiction.
Addicts tend to lean heavily on others for financial and mental support. This can feel burdensome over time. Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Develop your own career. Pursue what gives you meaning. All of this can help build your confidence. But try to give your partner more space. He explains :.
Time together is certainly one gauge of how strong the love is. So allow your partner space to breathe. Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel essential to the woman in his life. This biological drive compels men to provide for and protect women. He wants to step up for her, feel essential, and be appreciated for his efforts. Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. He outlines the things you can say, texts you can send, and requests you can make to immediately trigger his hero instinct.
However, I think the hero instinct is a compelling explanation for what drives men romantically. No one is saying that women need a hero to take care of them. Today women can change a tire, open their own jars, and generally fend for themselves in life.
Communicate clearly and listen intently. Whitbourne says :. Deal with the big elephant in the room. According to licensed mental and sexual health therapist Erika Miley:. For a no-nonsense look at manifestation, check out our complete Manifestation Magic review. Public displays of affection are healthy to some extent. Some people even depend on affection to feel loved and validated. However, everyone needs to have their personal space. Your family and friends will be the one to pick you up in pieces should your relationship end.
According to licensed psychologist Janna Koretz:. Having someone who can be an outside perspective to help you make good decisions will benefit your relationship. When friends become happier, the whole group gets happier, too. According to Whitbourne:. Unfortunately, some couples withdraw from their friendships when their relationship turns serious.
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